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Content / jokes .. concise-view
Jokes - (Learn to tell a joke in English.)
笑话 (Learn to tell a joke in English.)

Chapter 1 Visual Jokes - Funny Pictures

Flick through and have a laugh.

Global English

All people collecting golf balls on this course will be procecuted and have their balls removed.
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  1. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
  2. My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
  3. If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  4. Your sole purpose in life is to be a warning to others.
  5. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
  6. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
  7. I'm not as stupid as you look!
  8. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  9. Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  10. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
  11. I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.
  12. I'd like to help you out; which way did you come in?
  13. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
  14. Don't hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
  15. Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
  16. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  17. Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you're interrupting them.
  18. I'm sorry, do I resemble your therapist?
  19. I think someone has to be listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.
  20. I don't care where you go, as long as you get lost.
  21. If I throw a stick, will you go away?
  22. If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."
  23. If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
  24. A mind is a terrible thing to waste; I'm glad they didn't waste one on you.
  25. You have no idea how acutely depressing it is to realize we're from the same species.
  26. It's people like you who make the Internet all but impossible to trust.
  27. Next time I wave at you, I will use all my fingers.
  28. Why don't you slip into something more a coma.
  29. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


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Chapter 99

Beer and Women

Drinking jokes


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Dangers of mispronunciation

When you speak English, it is extremely important that you use the correct pronunciation of the vowels and consonants, otherwise you may be misunderstood


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Drinking jokes

Drinking jokes


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Beware of the dangers of clickitus.
Clickitus The habit of clicking your mouse without thought to see what happens.

Danger - Don't click on this !!



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audio images stand up


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