- Practice safe snacking - use condiments.
- I drink to make other people interesting.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- I got a fortune cookie once that said "You like Chinese food."
- Cheerios are donut seeds (^.^)
- A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
- Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
- Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
- What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
- I say no to drugs. They just don't listen.
- Those nicotine patches work really well, but I heard it was hard to keep them alight.
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
- Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
- I'm on a thirty day diet. So far, I have lost 15 days.
- I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
- Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.
- If God had intended man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
- Drink wet cement - get stoned.
- I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
- I drink beer to celebrate major events, such as the fall of communism, or the
fact that our refrigerator is still working.
- Don't drink and drive. You might spill your drink.
- But ocifer, I swear to drunk I'm not god!
- Drugs: accomplish your dreams.
- No, I'm not addicted. The drugs are my friends.
- I'm not addicted to coffee, I just have an acute caffeine dependency.
- I used to have a drug problem, but now I can afford it.
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