- Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars, I thought "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- (on a t-shirt) BOMB SQUAD. If I'm running, try to keep up.
- A day without sunshine is like.. well, night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
- In case of emergency, speak in clich�s.
- This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
- I can resist everything except temptation.
- When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.
- Make the most of yourself, because that's all the self you are going to get, mister.
- When in doubt, mumble.
- Right now I'm having amnesia and deva vu at the same time.. I think I've forgotten this before.
- I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
- [seen above a urinal] Your child's future is in your hands.
- Strangers have the best candy.
- Sex is hereditary.
- If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- Give some people an inch, and they think they are rulers.
- Poets have been curiously silent on the subject of cheese.
- I always win. Except win I lose, but then I just don't count it.
- Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time.
- Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
- In an exam, relax and remember... There is no test.
- !klat kcab ruoy dna uoy nmaD
- You know you're stressed out when you can hear Mimes.
- Who am I? I'm indecision. I'm everything. I'm nothing. And I may even be both.
- You know you should go to sleep when the sheep your counting start to hit the fence.
- All work and no play is the average school day.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.
- Bad spellers of the world, untie!
- Constipated people don't give a crap.
- Great fear come from martial art of Ignoriticness...For I am...Lao Zi!
- How many vegetables had to die to make your salad!?
- Fear all mighty powers of Flab Foo...For my name is...Quait Fautt!
- Give me liberty, or give me a bran muffin!
- Granola. Granola solves everything.
- You HAD to get the hot dog.
- I solemnly swear that I shall lead the paper to victory over its enemy, the
- (On a shirt for women.) If you're reading this, thank puberty.
- If the shoe fits, beat someone senseless with it.
- White guy. Can't dunk.
- (On a T-shirt) Who are you and why are you reading my shirt?
- It's all fun and games until someone loses a tooth...then it's hockey!!
- Instant human! Just add coffee.
- Anger the French. Make tacos.
- Celebrate life with ketchup!
- Worry is the first time you can't do it a second time; panic is the second time
you can't do it the first time.
- I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
- How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
- Ok. I'm gonna need a hammer, a chisel... maybe a couple of rocket launchers. But
this pickle jar WILL come open!
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
- Realize that no matter what you do, the grocery store check-out line
you're in will always take the longest.
- Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
- Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a
- Procrastinate Later.
- I'm bored... Anyone got a rail gun?
- There is no I in team, but there is a ME.
- Dancing is like a shower: one wrong turn and you're in hot water.
- Go now, or forever hold your pee.
- A theater without beer is just a museum.
- If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen!
- i guess i make a better door than a window even though I am a pain.
- No matter how I drop an egg it always seems to to land on someone's head.
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