Alternative and new word definitions
- Advice: what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't.
- Architecture: the art of how to waste space. (Phillip Johnson)
- Alarm clock: a small, mechanical device to wake up people without children.
- Baby-sitter: a teenager acting like an adult, while the adults are out acting like
- Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
- Be alert. The world needs more lerts. (Douglas Adams)
- Benign: What you be after you be eight.
- Boredoom: The state at which a person is so incredibly bored, they lack the desire to do anything.
- Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo!
- Calcium Anthropology: the study of milkmen.
- Capitalism: the astounding belief that the most wicked of men will do
the most wicked of things for the greatest good of everyone.
- Cell-phone: a way to speak to yourself without anyone noticing.
- Celebrity: someone who works all his life to be recognized, and then wears dark glasses
to avoid being recognized.
- Chemistry: Physics without thought.
Mathematics: Physics without purpose.
- Coincidence: when God chooses to remain anonymous.
- Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everyone thinks they got the biggest piece.
- Computers: working daily to make the human brain obsolete.
- Confidence: the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- Conservative: a man who believes nothing should be done for the first time.
- Conservative: Someone who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation before.
- Cuisine: something like food, but the portions are smaller and the
prices are higher. If you happen to have a french cuisine, the waiter will
insult you as you are served.
- Deja Fu: the feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the
head like this before.
- Democracy: The theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve
to get it good and hard.
- Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich
people in poor countries.
- A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move
- Friend: Someone who has the same enemies you have.
- Happiness: the agreeable sensation felt while contemplating the misery of others.
- Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
- Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
- Ignoranus: a person who is not only ignorant, but an asshole to boot.
- Illiterate: what you are if you can't read this.
- Jury: twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
- Kentucky: Five million people, fifteen last names.
- Kiss: A lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Leet: the art of finding the hardest possible way to say you did something simple.
- Life: Sexually transmitted disease, 100% fatal.
- Linkin Park:What was created when they began putting fake grass into the
"Lincoln Logs" boxes.
- Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!
- Mass Murder: What happens when Bob discovers Robertology.
- Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that
- McBorgs: Over one million assimilated.
- A metaphor is like a simile.
- Mortal: a generic pronoun for anyone, invented to solve the 'she/he' issue.
- Newbie: gathers honey 80% faster.
- Obscenity: the crutch of inarticulate motherf#$@ers.
- Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.
- Palidan: Your pal Dan... until he kills you for thinking you're a heretic.
- Patriot: a person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering
- Physicist: an atom's way of looking at itself.
- PMS: Puberty Much Sucks.
- PMS: Purchase More Shoes.
- Polynesia: memory-loss, in parrots.
- Reincarnation: Let's keep trying until we get it right.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Robertology: The study of Bob...
- Slinky: yet another failed attempt at perpetual motion.
- Snowbank: where you keep your extra snow.
- Spontaneous Combustion: A phenomenon induced in pyromaniacs by the camera
crews of shows such as 'believe it or not'.
- Stupidity: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results.
- Supernatural: how you have to act to get onto an aeroplane unmolested these days.
- System of a Down:A system that loses power excessively.
- Tech Support: your ISPs way of expressing their hatred towards you.
- Television: a medium. So called because it is neither rare, nor well done.
- Transvestites: men who like to eat, drink, and be Mary.
- Trapezoid: a device for trapping zoids.
- Vegetarian: Native American word meaning "bad hunter".